Kiss Me Like a Drug
By: Regina
Bellatrix
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: gender-bender
Beta: shakespearespot
N.B.: Sappy and goofy, set somewhere between “The Moth” and “Raised by Another”. Be forewarned: there will be a sequel. ~RB
Charlie knew he shouldn’t be here. He’d already irritated Jack beyond the man’s usual tolerance and been ignominiously shooed back to camp. Nonetheless, he’d turned back with the intention of apologising for having been such a bother and now he was hidden away behind a tree, watching Jack with Kate.
They were speaking quietly, and he was too far away to hear what was being said. Still, their postures told him a lot, none of it good. At least, not for him.
When Jack began to lean in toward Kate, Charlie finally managed to screw his eyes shut and turn away from the painfully tender tableau. He pressed his back up against the tree and slid to the ground, silently berating himself for being so foolish as to fall in love with someone so totally unobtainable.
It was love; Charlie knew that. He’d stopped trying to convince himself that it was just infatuation, a mild twitterpation and no more, weeks ago. The simple truth was, Jack Shephard was the centre of his, currently quite small, universe and that was all there was to it.
Unfortunately, Charlie himself seemed to occupy no higher position in Jack’s universe than a random bit of space dust. Kate, on the other hand, seemed right up there with the greater galaxies.
A tell-tale burning began behind Charlie’s eyelids, and he buried his face in his raised knees to stifle, or at least hide, the unwanted tears. He wished that Jack had wanted him instead of Kate. Wished that, at least, he could have made himself into what Jack wanted. It was impossible, though, he knew, because what Jack wanted was obviously a woman, and a woman was something Charlie could never be.
***
Kate had been out gathering fruit when she’d heard the first scream. By the second, she was dashing though the jungle toward the sound, armed with nothing more than a ripe guava. As she grew closer, the screams became identifiable as female and terrified, and she put on another burst of speed. Crashing through a stand of brush not far from where she had spoken with Jack the day before, Kate found herself faced with the source of the screams.
It was a young woman about her own age with long sun-bleached hair, sitting on the ground, in jeans and tight t-shirt, hands pressed to her chest as she shrieked hysterically. There was no one else in sight, so Kate dropped her guava and reached out to comfort the other woman.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now. Can you tell me what happened? What’s wrong?”
The woman quieted and stared at her with eyes black from shock. She seemed oddly familiar to Kate, but that was easily dismissed as stemming from having seen her among the survivors, though not having formally met her. When she finally spoke, her words utterly baffled Kate.
“I’m a woman, that’s what’s wrong, Kate!”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well, last time I checked, I was male, wasn’t I? Then, I fall asleep in the sodding Enchanted Forest and, next thing I know, I wake up female.” She clutched at the fabric of her shirt, tugging at it and rocking her body back and forth. “Oh hell. Bloody fucking hell.”
It was only then that Kate noticed the grimy bands of tape around the fingers of the woman’s left hand and the heavy silver ring on the middle finger of her right. She took in her accent, the cleft of her chin and the soiled black hoodie discarded nearby and came to the obvious, and completely insane, conclusion.
“Holy shit. Charlie?”
***
Claire had taken Kate’s introduction of the new Charlie remarkably well. She was only speechless for ten minutes, after which she had the presence of mind to suggest that they find Charlie clothing better suited to his new body. It was a good idea: his jeans didn’t sit right on his hips, and his t-shirt was really too tight across his ample chest to be comfortable. He balked, however, at the suggestion that he wear a brassiere.
“I’m fine without,” he insisted stubbornly. Charlie had heard plenty of women complain bitterly about the damn things; he had no intention of wearing one himself.
“Charlie honey,” began Kate patiently, “you’re what a D-cup, maybe a double-D? You feel fine now, but trust me, it’ll start hurting if you don’t have some support.”
“Look at it this way,” added Claire, “we probably won’t be able to find anything other than a sports bra that’ll fit you. That means no underwire.”
Charlie frowned and then acquiesced with a nod. As his tutors on the many and varied joys of womanhood, Charlie knew he’d better listen to Kate’s and Claire’s advice even when he didn’t like it. He flopped back into the sand next to Claire while Kate trotted off to find the stash of salvaged clothing, sighing heavily.
“So, um, Charlie,” Claire was timid, but Charlie could hear the underlying curiosity in her voice, “any idea how this happened?”
He turned his head to look at her. “No, not really. I think... I think it might be a case of ‘be careful what you wish for,’ though.”
“How’s that?”
Charlie looked around and then rolled onto his side to fully face Claire. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’m in love with Jack.”
“What?” she squeaked. Charlie shushed her, and she continued in a whisper, “How long?”
“Hard to say, really. A while now, anyway.”
“And how does this relate to your miraculous sex-change?”
“I stumbled across Jack and Kate looking very ... cosy in the jungle yesterday. I got a bit, shall we say, depressed about it and may have wished to be something other than I was so that Jack would be interested in me. I fell asleep out there and when I woke my prick was gone and I had tits the size of small cantaloupe. Naturally, I started screaming my head off: enter Kate, armed with guava fruit, and you know the rest.”
“Wow. That’s really incredible, Charlie. You really think it’s because you’re in love with Jack?”
“You’re in love with Jack?”
Charlie and Claire both started and stared at Kate in mortification. Neither had heard her return, but there she stood, clothing in her arms, and a quizzical expression on her face.
“Yes,” said Charlie, sitting up and automatically beginning to bite at the tips of his fingers.
“Have you said anything to him?”
That was not the response he’d been expecting, and he shot back a startled, “What? No, of course not.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? He’s with you, that’s why not.”
Kate laughed and plopped down next to Charlie in the sand. “What? Yes, I like Jack a lot. Yes, I find him extremely attractive. But I’m not in love with him, and we are not an item. In fact, I think he’s made it pretty clear that he’s not interested in me that way.”
Charlie felt rather like someone had pulled a rug that he hadn’t even known was there out from underneath him. “But yesterday in the jungle I saw...”
“You saw what? Us talking?”
Charlie nodded dumbly.
“That’s all it was, Charlie: talking.”
“But it looked like he was going to kiss you. I mean he leaned in and... I looked away.” Charlie fell silent for a moment, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You didn’t kiss?”
Kate shook her head. “No.”
“Fuck. I got in a snit for no good reason.”
Kate shrugged and nodded, and Claire reached out to pull Charlie into a hug. “Love’s like that sometimes, you know,” said Claire.
“Here,” said Kate after a moment, pushing the clothes she’d found toward Charlie, “try these on.”
***
Kate and Claire were escorting Charlie to the caves. They’d agreed that, as leader of the group, Jack needed to know that one of its members had undergone a rather drastic physical metamorphosis and they had allowed Charlie no room to argue otherwise.
Glancing over at Charlie, Kate gave herself a mental pat on the back. She’d found a tank top with a built-in shelf bra in aqua and a pair of navy cotton-lycra yoga pants for Charlie to wear. The outfit showed off her fit, curvy body and brought out the blue in her eyes. Claire had braided Charlie’s hair (which they’d speculated had been lengthened to balance the disappearance of beard, leg, and armpit hair – the new Charlie was quite well shaven), and Kate thought she looked very pretty.
Apparently, she wasn’t the only one to think so.
A wolf-whistle cut through the air, and the three women stopped and turned to see Sawyer approach. “Hey, Freckles, who’s your new friend? Don’t think I’ve seen her around before.” He stopped directly in front of Charlie, running his eyes over her body.
Kate rolled her eyes and said, “Sawyer, just don’t.”
“Don’t what? I’m just admirin’ a pretty lady.” He leered at Charlie, who stiffened.
“You know, Sawyer,” said Charlie, “I knew you were an ass, but I’d never realised you were a sexist-pig, too. You’re a right barnyard, aren’t you?”
Claire snickered, and Kate smirked. Sawyer took a step back, looking offended.
“You seem to know who I am, sweetheart. Why don’t you tell me who you are.”
Charlie just glared at him, so Kate stepped in with, “This is Charlie, Sawyer.”
“Charlie? Ain’t that the name of Jack-ass’ little pet rocker?”
“Look at her tattoos, Sawyer.”
Sawyer looked at one of Charlie’s arms and then the other. Shook his head, squinted and looked again.
“Holy shit.”
Sawyer looked shocked to his very core, and Kate had to work to keep from laughing. She and Claire did both giggle a little when Charlie stepped up to him and said, “Word to the wise, mate: don’t fall asleep in the jungle.”
***
As they entered the caves, Charlie tugged surreptitiously at the neck of his tank top. He wished Kate had found something a little larger; he felt perpetually like he was spilling out the neck and arm holes of the tank. Maybe he’d be able to make a cut in the elastic shelf of the bra later to let his breasts drop down a little. At the moment, he hardly dared lean over for fear of coming out of the top, they were being held up so high.
He stayed next to Claire as they walked. The heavily-pregnant woman’s slow pace was much easier to deal with than Kate’s brisker stride. Charlie was often clumsy at the best of times and, at the moment, he was having issues dealing with his new centre of gravity, making him prone to overbalancing. The faster he moved, the more likely it was he’d end up on his face in the dirt.
Kate darted ahead of them, accosting Hurley to ask him if he knew where Jack was.
“He’s by the drinking-water pool, but he’s in a really bad mood. He’s all ... snippy.”
“Thanks, Hurley.” She turned back to join Claire and Charlie, and Hurley called out a question of his own.
“Say, Kate, have you seen Charlie today? None of us around here have seen him since yesterday.”
“Um, yeah,” she looked at Charlie, and he glared at her. He really didn’t want anyone else to find out about his predicament before Jack. After being faced with Sawyer’s reaction, it was suddenly important to him that Jack not be the last to know. “I’ve seen him.”
More questions from Hurley were avoided as Jack came marching out from the pool cavern, water bottle in one hand, and backpack slung over one shoulder. He had an intensity to him that spoke of a man on a mission, and Charlie felt his breath hitch. Jack was beautiful when he was determined.
“Jack, can we talk to you for a minute?” asked Kate, trying to catch Jack’s attention before he could leave.
“Not now, Kate. I’m busy.” The last word was barely out of his mouth when his eyes met Charlie’s, and he stopped dead in his tracks.
Charlie himself felt trapped by the gaze and, even when Jack’s water bottle fell from his nerveless fingers, he couldn’t look away from the chocolate depths. He watched in fascination as Jack’s eyes widened in shock and the man’s mouth worked silently for a few moments before producing any sound.
“Charlie?”
“Dude,” Hurley’s voice cut through the background noise, “I think you’ve lost it; that’s a girl.”
Ignoring him, Charlie raised one hand to wave at Jack. “Hi, Jack.”
If anything, Jack looked more panicked and shocked than before and he backed up a step, shaking his head. “This isn’t possible.”
For some reason he felt was better left unexplored, this irritated Charlie. He strode up to Jack and, jabbing a finger at him, said, “Well obviously it is possible, because, as of this morning, I’ve tits and am singing bloody soprano.” The truth of the last statement was amply proven by the ringing, slightly hysterical, note he hit on the word soprano.
Jack seemed to be at a loss. He just stared at the breasts in question and then offered up the inane comment: “At least they’re nice breasts.”
Considering all he had been through that morning, Charlie felt his response to Jack’s comment was completely excusable. He’d never slapped another person in his life. Good Catholic boys did not hit women, and altercations with the other boys growing up in Manchester had called for decidedly stronger measures than a mere slap, so it was purely out of habit that his hand, when it struck Jack’s face, it was balled into a fist rather than remaining open in the traditional manner of offended womanhood.
Jack went staggering back, utterly surprised by the force of Charlie’s reaction. Once he regained his balance, he stood with a hand pressed to his throbbing jaw, staring at Charlie with disbelief and hurt on his face.
Charlie blamed it all on the unfamiliar hormones whizzing through his brain when he felt the tears start to stream down his face and his breath come in choking sobs.
However, when Jack blurted out, “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, Charlie,” and gathered him into a warm hug, Charlie didn’t mind the tears so much anymore.
***
“Jack,” said Charlie plaintively, “I’m cold.” He was huddled under a blanket next to the fire, but the blanket was thin, and the chill was bone deep tonight. Probably owing to the fact that this whole sex-change thing had made him extremely tense, but he wouldn’t doubt that the fact that all of his body fat seemed to have concentrated on his chest had something to do with it, too.
Jack sighed next to him and held open his arms. “Come here.”
Charlie didn’t wait for a second invitation, slipping under Jack’s near arm to snuggle against his side. The larger man’s body was blessedly warm, and Charlie pressed his cold nose to Jack’s neck.
“Hey! Keep your icy nose to yourself.” Jack pushed playfully at Charlie’s head to dislodge the offending protuberance.
Giggling, Charlie batted his eyelashes in what he hoped was a sufficiently disturbing manner and said, “Sorry.”
“Dude, that is just wrong.” Hurley sat down next to Jack and Charlie, a faintly horrified expression on his face.
“What’s wrong?” asked Charlie, preparing to get defensive about sitting pressed against Jack.
“Look at you! You just batted your eyes! And, and you’re a girl.”
“Yes, Hurley. Thanks ever-so for reminding me again. I’d almost forgotten. What’s that, the twelfth time you’ve said that since this afternoon?”
“Thirteenth,” input Jack. He’d been with Charlie ever since Kate and Claire had brought him to the caves, barring the occasional bathroom break.
The first of those had been an adventure in and of itself. Kate had offered her assistance, but Charlie had been firm: there were some things a man (or woman) just needed to figure out for himself.
“Look, I’m sorry, alright, man? It’s just seriously weird, in a creepy, X-Files kind of way, and it’s gonna take some getting used to, you know.”
“Great. Now my life is an episode of the X-Files.” He pulled his blanket up around his ears and, squirming closer to Jack, buried his face in Jack’s shirt-front.
“Hurley,” Jack’s voice rumbled in his chest, and Charlie pressed closer, enjoying the sensation, “do you think you could talk about something else for a while? I think you’re distressing Charlie.”
“Yeah, sure. Sorry, dude.”
“‘S okay, Hurley,” Charlie mumbled from his spot against Jack. It was entirely too comfortable, and as the warmth from Jack’s body began to seep into his own, his eyelids began to droop. Within minutes, he was sound asleep.
***
If it hadn’t really been rather sad, Kate would have found the way Charlie was trailing Jack like a lost puppy funny. Now that she knew how hopelessly in love with Jack Charlie was, she couldn’t in good conscience derive amusement from it.
She wished she knew how to help. Kate knew how to manipulate men into doing all sorts of things, but she hadn’t a clue how to get one to just open his damn eyes and see that there was a devoted, loving woman standing right in front of him, hoping for a scrap of acknowledgement and return affection. Then there was the fact that said woman had been a man just a few days ago. That was a real conundrum, and she didn’t know Jack well enough to guess at how he would react if he found out that Charlie had been in love with him even as a man.
Shaking her head a little to clear it of random speculation, Kate continued down the beach toward where Jack and Charlie stood talking with Michael. Once she was in easy shouting distance she called out, “Charlie honey, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Three heads turned her way, Charlie’s nodding in agreement as she separated herself from the group and made her way over to Kate. Watching Charlie stride through the sand to her, Kate couldn’t help but smile a little: Charlie still walked like a man. She glanced up at Jack and Michael briefly and caught Jack giving her an indecipherable look.
“Hi, Kate, what’d you want to talk to me about?”
Charlie stood in front of her, and Kate pulled her gaze away from Jack to look over the other woman. She looked good, relaxed and relatively happy, all things considered.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven’t been to the caves in a couple of days and I seemed to keep missing you when you came down to the beach to visit Claire. You getting along okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Jack’s been really sweet and keeping an eye out for me.” She grinned suddenly. “Sawyer’s been avoiding me like the plague. It’s pretty funny, actually.”
Kate smiled and said, “Okay. Just be careful, alright?”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Charlie went rigid and her expression closed off. “I can take care of myself, Kate.”
“I know, Charlie, but I also know how you feel about Jack and... I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
Charlie’s stance was defensive, arms crossed in front of her chest, back stiff. “Jack wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Not intentionally, but...” Kate’s head snapped up. Jack was approaching them, a closed, guarded expression on his face.
“Everything okay over here?” he asked, coming to a halt next to Charlie.
“We’re fine, Jack.” Kate was irritated by the intrusion, but she tried not to show it.
“Yeah?” Jack’s voice was heavy with disbelief. He’d obviously seen Charlie’s agitation and felt the need to protect her from whatever Kate was saying. Kate couldn’t decide if that was a good sign or not.
“Just a small disagreement, Jack,” input Charlie. “Don’t worry about it.” She tugged at Jack’s hand. “C’mon. I’ll talk to you later, Kate.”
Kate watched as Jack, absently rubbing at the bruise on his jaw, smiled a little and trailed after Charlie as she walked away. She began to question, then, just how clueless Jack was after all.
***
Charlie was incredibly horny. It wasn’t all that unusual a predicament for him, but the specific aches and urges of his new body were somewhat different from those of his old, and he was enjoying the novelty of it all.
Watching Jack bend over to pick up a piece of wood from the jungle floor, Charlie felt a warm pulse of desire push out from his gut and was just as grateful not to have a hardening cock as evidence of his arousal. The damp heat between his thighs was disconcerting, but at least he could walk easily. Not that he wanted to do any walking at the moment. What he wanted was to climb onto Jack and demand that the man get his cock out of his pants and into Charlie’s body right now.
“Charlie?”
“Huh?” Charlie met Jack’s quizzical gaze with an expression he was sure was disturbingly reminiscent of a startled rabbit.
“Why were you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Like...” Jack waved his hands in the air helplessly and blushed, “like you were.”
Charlie knew he’d been busted, caught staring shamelessly, lustfully, and now he had to figure out what to do about it. He stood, frozen in place for several long moments before his libido kicked in and decided the matter for him the way it usually did.
Three long strides, and he was directly in front of Jack. It was a simple thing to reach up and pull him down for a kiss. And Jack...
Jack kissed back.
***
Sated and happy, Charlie stretched languidly next to Jack and turned to snuggle sleepily into his side. The older man was still sound asleep, but he responded to Charlie’s movements by pressing closer and draping an arm across his waist while his thigh pressed between Charlie’s own. Charlie hummed in pleasure, rocking his hips forward slightly as his cock twitched in slow arousal.
His cock...
Charlie jolted fully awake, eyes flying open in startlement. A quick inventory of his body revealed that breasts and shapely hips had been traded back in for penis and testicles. The hand he pressed to his mouth to stifle whatever sound might emerge encountered the prickly-soft sensation of beard and moustache.
Carefully and quietly as he could, Charlie extricated himself from the tangle of his and Jack’s limbs. He gathered his clothing, slipping on yoga pants and shoes then flinging the hated tank into the brush for some animal to nest in. Tears gathered in his eyes as he took a last long look at Jack’s sleeping form and turned resolutely away. His immediate goal was the beach and Claire, on whom he could count to hold him while he cried.
***
Kate could barely recall the last time she’d been this furious with a man on someone else’s behalf. She’d been sitting with Claire when Charlie, fully male and utterly distraught, had stumbled into Claire’s little shelter. They’d managed to get the story of he and Jack having sex in the jungle the night before and him waking up a him again out of Charlie before he became totally incoherent.
She’d left Claire to comfort Charlie as best she could, stalking off on the path to the caves. Her supposed goal was to retrieve Charlie’s bag so that he could dress in something more comfortable and appropriate than women’s yoga pants. What she was really hoping for, though, was to run into Jack so she could give him a piece of her mind.
Fortune was with her. No sooner did she step off the path into the caves, than did Jack emerge from the jungle, looking dishevelled and slightly panicked. Kate headed straight for him, though he hardly seemed to notice her.
“Has anyone seen Charlie?”
The words were barely out of his mouth when her slap landed across his cheek just above the bruise Charlie had given him a few days earlier.
Jack rubbed at the reddening handprint and stared at her in shock. “Was that a yes?”
“How could you?” she demanded, oblivious to their audience of cave residents.
“How could I what, Kate?”
She glared at him and planted her hands on her hips. “How could you take advantage of Charlie like that?”
“Take advantage? Did she actually tell you what happened, or are you just assuming you know what went on out there because men are all alike?”
“Yes, I heard what actually happened, but you,” she punctuated the word with a jab to his chest, “should have known better than to give in. Charlie was confused and vulnerable and he trusted you not to hurt him.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m the one who woke up alone this morning. Since when does that make Charlie the injured party here?”
“Well, what the hell was he supposed to do, Jack? Just wait for you to wake up and freak out on him?”
“Freak out? Why would I...”
Kate could see the suspicion dawn in Jack’s mind and she braced herself.
“You said he.”
“Yeah.”
Suspicion resolved into knowledge, and Jack’s expression went hard. “Where is he?”
“I won’t tell you.”
For a moment, Kate thought he would either hit her or pick her up and shake her, but Jack just stepped around her and stormed off down the path toward the beach. She stood, frozen in place for a few moments before her mind started working again and she darted off after him.
Jack had broken into a run the moment he realised she was following him, and Kate had to stretch her shorter legs to the limit just to keep him in her sights. However oblivious she had thought he’d been before, she had to admit that he certainly seemed to know just where Charlie was likely to hide from him. Once on the beach, he made a bee line for Claire’s shelter.
The look on Charlie’s face when he saw Jack pounding across the sand was enough to break Kate’s heart. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and his expression was wary. He looked as though he fully expected to be beaten to a pulp by the man he loved.
Charlie scrambled to his feet as Jack checked his breakneck pace just enough to bring him into arm’s reach of the smaller man. Kate tried to shout for Jack to stop, but he didn’t even spare her a glance.
Jack’s right hand shot out, fisting in the short hairs at the nape of Charlie’s neck and pulling him forward. His left he planted in the small of Charlie’s back to keep him from pulling back. Their chests collided, and Jack’s mouth was suddenly covering Charlie’s.
They went down in a mass of tangled limbs, and Kate could only stare, her mouth hanging open in stupefaction. A glance at Claire showed the pretty Australian woman in a similar state of disbelief.
Charlie was pinned under Jack’s greater bulk, but he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, judging by the way he’d fisted his hands in the collar of Jack’s shirt and was pulling at it, he was intent on keeping Jack right where he was. The kiss had become a messy clash of teeth and tongues, violent in its intensity. When it finally ended, both men were breathing hard.
Jack rested his forehead against Charlie’s while he fought to catch his breath. He shifted to cup Charlie’s face and stare down into wide blue eyes.
“You idiot. I told you that I love you. You didn’t have to run away.”
Kate hadn’t thought she could be any more shocked than she already was, but that did it.
“But...”
“No ‘buts’, Charlie. I love you. Not female you. Hell, not even male you. Just you.”
“Oh Jack. I love you, too.”
It was only when they started kissing again, gentler this time, that Kate managed to turn away and give them a little privacy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy for someone else.
***
Charlie couldn’t believe some days how truly bizarre his life had become. He thought maybe he should write a song about it: a comic one, with a serious tone, so that people wouldn’t know whether they should laugh or cry.
He looked up from his guitar to where Jack was talking with Kate near the pool of drinking water. Either Jack was always glancing over at him, or the man had a knack for telling when he was watching because, for an uncounted time since they’d become lovers, Jack’s eyes met his, and he smiled.
They apparently gazed at one another a little too long this time; Kate poked Jack in the ribs to regain his attention. The other man started guiltily, and though he couldn’t hear what was being said, Charlie could tell that Kate was teasing him by the blush that rose on his face.
Charlie snickered and looked away. Jack wasn’t as comfortable as he with being open about their relationship, but it was his own fault really: he was the one who’d caused the scene on the beach, after all.
Thinking about that morning, Charlie was convinced that he should write a song. It would be a comic one, never mind the serious tone, all about love and filled with joy.
Like this story? Then send feedback.
This fansite, and all of its content, is purely for the enjoyment
of fans and is non-profit. That said, all fiction and graphics are copyright their respective
authors/creators. If there are any problems with the site, contact the Webmistresses.